On Hiding (11/13/18)

Hi Daddy,

I saw Hanson the other night at the Orpheum. The last time I was there was with you and mom to see Phantom of the Opera. I remember how the chandelier fell at the very beginning, and I was scared I jumped up onto your lap (and got a nosebleed). You joked that you shouldn't have bought me a ticket, because I spent the entire show sitting on your lap.

My seats for Hanson were not too far from our seats at Phantom. The show was amazing, Daddy. They had a full orchestra and some new songs, but did a lot of their "old songs" with the orchestra...and it was phenomenal. I wish I could relive that concert, or see it again. I don't think I will experience something quite like it again. I only cried a tiny bit, Daddy. Nothing crazy at all. In fact, I cried more when they were at House of Blues last year. As beautiful as it would sound to hear "With You In Your Dreams" or "I Will Come to You" with an orchestra, I am glad I didn't.

I wanted to call you after the show. I couldn't.

I have been hiding from this blog, Daddy. Whenever I write to you I cry, and I really don't want to cry. But I miss you. And now I am crying again. I miss you and I just want to talk to you. Everyone says that I CAN talk to you, but that is not what I mean. I want to hear your voice, I want to know that you are at home on the other end of the phone.

I have to go. I can't keep writing right now. I'm crying and I don't want to get stuck in that loop I get myself into.

I don't want to feel right now. I'm sorry, Daddy. I love you so much. I wish you were here.

Love,

Alexa

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