Dear Daddy,

Dear Daddy, Today was a tough day.  I'm not quite sure why, but it was hard to get myself up and out of bed today.  It just felt heavy. I can still feel it a bit now as I sit here...between my shoulder blades, pressing down onto my spine. It doesn't hurt, it just feels heavy. Everything was reminding me of you today. The news that "Dunkin' Donuts" is changing their name to "Dunkin'" reminded me of getting donuts with you every Sunday. One jelly (powdered sugar preferred) for me, one french cruller for you. The old man in the elevator with that look like he was on a mission, and the elevator was moving too slowly for him to do his part as quickly as he wanted, reminded me of you pretty much because that was "you". The tiny old woman at CVS that carried her items in her hands rather than use a small paper bag (because she wanted to save the environment) reminded me of you the worst. At first, I was annoyed. She was taking her time...

Dear Daddy, It's really hard for me to fall asleep at night knowing you are not at home with mom and Shuggy. I haven't lived at home in over 15 years, but since you've been gone it's like I can feel you are missing from the bed you should be sleeping in. It's unsettling to go to sleep knowing someone is not in their bed like they ought to be (is this what parents feel like when their teens are out late?). Shuggy wont go on the bed anymore. You are missed so much. I miss you all the way to Fisherville and back. Love, Alexa

Dear Daddy, Everyone keeps telling me how strong I am. It took three nurses, fentanyl, propofol, and anesthesia to keep you flat in bed and you still sat up and tried to remove the wires from your body. There's a reason they kept you super sedated after that (because being on essentially horse tranquilizers wasn't working). You're strong. All the doctors said so. Every one on the medical staff was impressed by you. Of course I'M strong, I'm just like my dad. But it doesn't mean I'm not  hurting. I most certainly fall to pieces behind closed doors. I miss him every day. I wish I could get one more hug. Not a bear hug, though, one of his "making fun of mom" hugs where he flaps his hands and over exaggerates the cheek kisses way too much.... You know, a regular hug. The new normal is anything but. Daddy, I miss you so much. There's so much I want to tell you. Your missing so many big and small events... and there's an unknown amount ...

Dear Daddy, When I was little and it was the High Holy Days I used to go to temple with my parents. Apples and honey, "Temple Survival Kits", changing the words to prayers (you shmoe)...all remind me of you, Dad. I used to wish/pray/hope whatever it is that people do, that everyone I loved would make it into the book of life. Of course myself, always my parents, and sometimes even Nate. The time between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur was always refreshing. Apologizing for mistakes, fixing things, and clearing the air. I remember one time I wasn't behaving well and Daddy "yelled" at me, I told him he can't yell at me during the High Holy Days and fixed his behavior straight away. As I got older, I realized that there were people in the room with me that would not be "written in" to this magical book. I would feel sad for them but always hoped/prayed/wished only the elderly would be written in. Never children. Never my family. I wanted every...

Dear Daddy, Who do I call when you are the only person I need to talk to? Love, Alexa

Dear Daddy, I was naive before. This is heartbreak. Love, Alexa

Dear Daddy,  Word on the street is that there were 450-500+ people at Daddy's celebration of life. 150+ had to be out side listening by speakers due to fire hazards. Completely blown away.  Love, Alexa

To get caught up on where I am starting from today, please visit:  https://www.caringbridge.org/visit/kennethroos