Dear Daddy,

Hi Daddy, I keep crying this week. I am not sure why. I just really miss you. I hate it when I remember that I can't ever talk to you again. For the first time in my life I was angry at you. Daddy, I can't think of a single time I was ever mad at you. I'm sitting here wracking my brain. I can think of a hundred times I've been angry with mom. I feel so sorry that I am mad at you now. It's not your fault, but I am really upset with you for being gone right now. It's taking so much energy and focus to not pick up the phone and call you.  It hurts my heart to know that if I did, you wouldn't answer. If I could call you, I think I'd only "yell" at you for a brief moment...probably a bit sarcastically...and you would apologize and things would be fine. Easy as. All is forgiven and forgotten. Not like with mom 😇 but that's just how it is. Daddy, I just really want to talk to you. Hear your voice, get your opinion, have you make a face at...

Hi Daddy, I really don't want tomorrow to get here. You never told mom when you send the birthday cards, and now I have nothing to open tomorrow morning. And I don't even want to open it, because it wont be right. I don't want tomorrow to get here because I wont get an "Asa Asa" birthday phone-call from you, singing off key and doing your best not to laugh too loudly at yourself. I don't want tomorrow to get here because there is no 29th of this month, so we share this day. I don't want tomorrow to get here, because just today I went to call you and tell you about work. It's still not sinking in. I don't want tomorrow to get here, because I don't want people to tell me "Happy Birthday". I'm sorry I cry all the time, Daddy. I know you don't want me to cry. Tomorrow, after work, I'm getting myself a birthday present. I promise, I'm paying for it, you don't have to check the credit card statement! Reme...

Hi Daddy, I wrote this today, what do you think? What it’s like to lose your Dad as a young adult. 1) Unless They’ve Also Lost a Parent as a Young Adult, They Suck. If you lost your parent, and they got to live a healthy (or even unhealthy) life for a majority of your life, then you don’t get it, and I don’t want to hear that you “understand”, because you don’t.  To be more clear, if your parent passed away after living to be at least 70 OR you lost a parent after the age of 35, you don’t get it. Your parent got to see you get married, have children, buy a house, pay off a loan, get a dream job, get a PhD, live out dreams, set and achieve goals, whatever it is/was. My dad will never see my brother and I achieve ANY of those milestones. So, again, if you can check most of those items off of your list, then you don’t get it and I cannot relate to you. Side note- the loss of your grandparent, cousin, uncle, cousins uncle’s grandparent, does not compare to th...

Hi Daddy, I'm going to see Billy Joel in September. Karen got some tickets. I am sending this letter to Billy Joel, what do you think? January 18, 2019 To Billy Joel/Whom This May Concern: Billy Joel was (and is) the soundtrack to my life. As a 3 year old I was convinced that my dad and Billy Joel were one in the same, as your music was always on in our home and you have a daughter the same age as me named Alexa. I could write pages about all the ways in which your music influenced defining moments of my life, and funny anecdotes about how my dad and I would have special dance moves or belt out lines of particular songs (off-key every time) , but I will keep those memories forever. Unfortunately, I recently lost my dad. I would love to opportunity to thank you, Billy, in person, for playing such a huge part of my childhood and being the soundtrack to all of the time spent with my dad. Your music means so much to me, and though you don’t know me from any other rand...

Hi Daddy, I know I haven't written in a long time. I have been avoiding this journal because I don't want to cry, and you make me cry, Daddy. I know you don't do it on purpose, but it just hurts so much to know you wont actually read this and writing to you seems to make me miss you more. I just want to call you. I want you to come back. I'm lost without you, Daddy. I don't know what to do and no one is 100% on my side like you are. I feel like the best part of my life has happened already, and I don't want to reach anymore important milestones without you here. I don't like this. I hate feeling this way. I just need you to come back.  And I know if you were here you'd say, "I'm not coming back", and to "keep moving forward" and that if it helps me to think that "one day" we'd be together again then keep that in the back of my mind, but focus on other things while I am "waiting" for that potential rea...

Hi Daddy, Today, driving home to Waltham from NH the four songs I played for you on your last day played in a row on Spotify. What are the odds? I have thousands of songs. Those 4 played, one after the other. It started with Lullaby, thanks for that. Each one got a bit easier, and when it was over you played 3 more Billy Joel songs that I belted out the choruses to. Love you. Miss you. Wish you could come back soon. Love, Alexa