On Random Tears (4/23/19)

Hi Daddy,

I keep crying this week. I am not sure why. I just really miss you. I hate it when I remember that I can't ever talk to you again.

For the first time in my life I was angry at you. Daddy, I can't think of a single time I was ever mad at you. I'm sitting here wracking my brain. I can think of a hundred times I've been angry with mom. I feel so sorry that I am mad at you now. It's not your fault, but I am really upset with you for being gone right now. It's taking so much energy and focus to not pick up the phone and call you.  It hurts my heart to know that if I did, you wouldn't answer.

If I could call you, I think I'd only "yell" at you for a brief moment...probably a bit sarcastically...and you would apologize and things would be fine. Easy as. All is forgiven and forgotten. Not like with mom 😇 but that's just how it is.

Daddy, I just really want to talk to you. Hear your voice, get your opinion, have you make a face at me, do some awkward dancing, make fun of mom...the little things. I can feel you with me though. And even writing this parts of you are coming through. Mostly the lame jokes, but I don't think anyone is surprised.

I love you, Daddy. So much. The most. There is so much going on that you aren't here for, and at the same time I feel like I don't want anything exciting to happen without you around. It's a weird spot to be.

Love you all the way to Fisherville,

Shmoe.

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