On The Day Before My Birthday (2/27/19)

Hi Daddy,

I really don't want tomorrow to get here. You never told mom when you send the birthday cards, and now I have nothing to open tomorrow morning. And I don't even want to open it, because it wont be right.

I don't want tomorrow to get here because I wont get an "Asa Asa" birthday phone-call from you, singing off key and doing your best not to laugh too loudly at yourself.

I don't want tomorrow to get here because there is no 29th of this month, so we share this day.

I don't want tomorrow to get here, because just today I went to call you and tell you about work. It's still not sinking in.

I don't want tomorrow to get here, because I don't want people to tell me "Happy Birthday".

I'm sorry I cry all the time, Daddy. I know you don't want me to cry.

Tomorrow, after work, I'm getting myself a birthday present. I promise, I'm paying for it, you don't have to check the credit card statement!

Remember when I got my "Chai" tattoo? I went to Hampton Beach with Carmie and Leah. I finally got the guts to get the picture of the Hebrew word for "life" I was carrying in my purse for 2 years tattooed on the back of my neck. Mom cried and tried to wipe it off. I could tell you weren't super impressed, but instead of throwing Jewish guilt at me (thanks mom) you just smiled and said, "No more tattoos, unless it's my face on your right ass-cheek, you can't get a second tattoo".  I agreed to this. At the time, I only wanted the one tattoo, I couldn't possibly think of anything else I'd ever want to get tattooed on me.

I love telling this story to people, and then alluding to the "fact" that I do have this second tattoo. The truth is I still just have the one.

A few years ago, I saw someone had their parent's signatures tattooed on them after their parents had passed. I knew I would do this for you, when the time came. I didn't realize it would be so soon.

Daddy, I think I came up with a good compromise. I'm getting a second tattoo. Instead of your face, I will get your loving signature, "XOXO Dad". And rather than have that awkward tattoo, I am getting it on my wrist, right where you left nail indentations during your last neuro-exam...you squeezed so hard. You were so strong.

I'm gonna have your strength with me always, Daddy. But I still don't want tomorrow to get here.

I love you to the ends of the universe and back,

Love,

Alexa


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