12/16/18

Hi Daddy,

I know I haven't written in a long time. I have been avoiding this journal because I don't want to cry, and you make me cry, Daddy. I know you don't do it on purpose, but it just hurts so much to know you wont actually read this and writing to you seems to make me miss you more.

I just want to call you. I want you to come back. I'm lost without you, Daddy. I don't know what to do and no one is 100% on my side like you are. I feel like the best part of my life has happened already, and I don't want to reach anymore important milestones without you here. I don't like this.

I hate feeling this way. I just need you to come back.  And I know if you were here you'd say, "I'm not coming back", and to "keep moving forward" and that if it helps me to think that "one day" we'd be together again then keep that in the back of my mind, but focus on other things while I am "waiting" for that potential reality to occur. Who would have thought your advice to me 4 years ago during me and Alex's break up would come back to help me in a completely different grieving process.  The only difference is that this time I don't think I will ever stop missing you and loving you.

This is so difficult. I don't want to feel this way anymore. But this is my new life. I don't really get a choice, do I?

I love you so much....all the way to Fisherville and back, and around the world a million times and to the ends of the universe.

Love,

Alexa

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